Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize