Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
