You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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