just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
