508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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