she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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