Duck Duck Cougar?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
