There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize