I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am available for nakedness
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
