i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
