It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
