broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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