the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just made my gag reflex go away.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
