the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize