Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
