is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
