I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
