Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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