I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
