Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
