Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
