why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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