I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
