i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
