I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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