i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
