"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
