What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
