you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
