3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize