Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
