The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
