summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The beer is more important than you right now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
