i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
