The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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