Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is

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(410): View more from Maryland

Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day

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(910): View more from North Carolina

He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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(940): View more from Texas

My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.

(817): View more from Texas

Your life rocks...

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(561): View more from Florida

Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.

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