capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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