So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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