i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
