bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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