so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
