dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
