so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
