I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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