you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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