Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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