My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
