i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize