The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
