I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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