I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
