just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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