I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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