You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
too bad you live with your parents still
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
