your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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