Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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