I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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