There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
