this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
