So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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