is wine microwaveable?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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