I can text with my tongue
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize