Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
