i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
