the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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