so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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