I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
