If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
