he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
