Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
