I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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