You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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