in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
