I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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