I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
