I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina is officially offended.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
