sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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