I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
