i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
