Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize