Don't make out with my wife yet
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
