Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The uberlube is also flammable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
