i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
