We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
