I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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