you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
