You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
