you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
