So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
