Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
