Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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