I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize