So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
