did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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