brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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