he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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