It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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