u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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