weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
