I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
