I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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