Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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