there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They have beer where we have blood.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
