Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
