You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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